Recipe for a Great Marriage
Posted by Steve Sparks at 10/15/2006 5:04 PM and is filed under Sunday Sermons 2006,Marriage,Jerry Rahm 2006 
Cooking is not rocket science. Certainly great chefs do great things, and what they do is beyond many of our abilities. But once they have created, and they write things down in a recipe, the rest of us can experience their wonderful creations. You just follow the directions. Marriage is not rocket science either. There are some fundamental, basic things that we can do to help make our marriages better. If we are willing to do some hard work we can even make them great. This Sunday, we examine the ingredients that go into making a great marriage.
Editors Note: While I personally appreciate Jerry’s offer to fund marital counseling for persons who follow everything in this podcast, the intent is surly intended as a example of his faith not as a firm offer to pay for these services to everyone listening to this message. Below are my notes integrated with the formal presentation.
6 Things for a Great Marriage:
PSALM 127:1
"Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain."
1. Build your relationship upon Christ.
- You need to spend time together, even if it is 5 minutes as day.
- Read Scripture aloud to each other. You do not have to formally study.
- Pray together, pray for each other.
You need to understand this is hard and why, face the challenge
This is hard when you don’t
- Pray Together
- Share
This is hard because of the intimacy of your relationship with Jesus.
You fail if you “Leave Him out of your relationship,
ignoring the spiritual side of life.”
Helpful hint:
Take a moment. Don’t make the experience harder than it needs to be by setting expectations too high. Just 5 minutes a day, even if you miss a day is better than nothing and a place to start.
2. Learn to communicate, and communicate often.
See the “Face to Face” sermon on Communications
You fail if you “Communicate badly, or not at all”
Helpful hint:
Communicate “Well and Often, just talking and not listening will not get the job done.
3. Ask for and extend forgiveness whenever there is hurt.
See the “Tear Down these Walls” Sermon
Do not “wait and see”, ask for forgiveness.
Talk to your partner when you are hurt.
You fail if you “Don’t Forgive , keep a ‘grudge’ list”
4. Share lots of physical contact
Physical contact is essential for a Husbands and Wife.
It is also important when demonstrated in appropriate situations
Appropriate physical contact “will bless the soul”.
Paul says “Greet one and other with a holy kiss.”
Romans 16:16, 1 Corinthians 16:20, 2 Corinthians 13:12, 2 Thessalonians 5:36
You fail is you “Share little of no physical contact”
Helpful hint:
Holding Hands, a Hug, a Kiss, a simple touch demonstrates love and keeps you connected. It does not always have to end in consummation
.
5. Affirm each other often and build each other up.
You need to give 20x more positive than negative comments.
Ephesians 4:29 NIV
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
You fail if you “Tear each other down and sat hurtful things”.
Helpful hint:
A negative affirmation can be “saying nothing/keeping silent” when someone is sharing with you.
6. Spend time together regularly
Daily - If all you have is 5 minutes is all you can send, you need to use that time
Weekly - Make this a good extended time (a walk, date night, no kids) time together.
Quarterly - Go Away together for a weekend. See Mark 6:30-32 as an example.
Mark 6:30-32 NIV
The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to him all they had done and taught. 31 Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, "Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest." 32 So they went away by themselves in a boat to a solitary place.
Annual - Get away and and share your time.
You fail if you “too busy to spend time together”
Helpful hint:
Do not live with your spouse for 10 years and wake up one day asking “Who is this person”
Visiting “family with the kids or the in-laws” does not count as spending time together.
When your marriage is healthy and you are living for Him in your relationship, you then need to help others with their recipe for a great marriage.
2 Timothy 2:1-2 NIV
You then, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus. And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified to teach others.
The recipe for helping others:
After you have helped one couple then help another.
Scripture
Genesis 2:18, 22-25 NIV
The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." . . . 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman, ' for she was taken out of man." 24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. 25 The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
Psalms 127:1 NIV
"Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain."
Romans 15:5-6 NIV
May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, 6 so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Mark 10:24-27 NIV
The disciples were amazed at his words. But Jesus said again, "Children, how hard it is to enter the kingdom of God! 25 It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." 26 The disciples were even more amazed, and said to each other, "Who then can be saved?" 27 Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God."
2 Corinthians 6:11-13 NIV
We have spoken freely to you, Corinthians, and opened wide our hearts to you. 12 We are not withholding our affection from you, but you are withholding yours from us. 13 As a fair exchange--I speak as to my children--open wide your hearts also.
Colossians 3:12-14 NIV
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
Matthew 18:21-22 NIV
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" 22 Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
2 Corinthians 13:12 NIV
Greet one another with a holy kiss.
1 Corinthians 7:3-5 NIV
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Ephesians 4:29 NIV
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Proverbs 18:21 NIV
The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.
Song of Songs 7:11-12 NIV
Come, my lover, let us go to the countryside, let us spend the night in the villages. 12 Let us go early to the vineyards to see if the vines have budded, if their blossoms have opened, and if the pomegranates are in bloom-- there I will give you my love.
Mark 6:30-32 NIV
The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to him all they had done and taught. 31 Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, "Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest." 32 So they went away by themselves in a boat to a solitary place.
Played: 38 | Download | Duration: 00:33:19
Editors Note: While I personally appreciate Jerry’s offer to fund marital counseling for persons who follow everything in this podcast, the intent is surly intended as a example of his faith not as a firm offer to pay for these services to everyone listening to this message. Below are my notes integrated with the formal presentation.
6 Things for a Great Marriage:
PSALM 127:1
"Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain."
1. Build your relationship upon Christ.
- You need to spend time together, even if it is 5 minutes as day.
- Read Scripture aloud to each other. You do not have to formally study.
- Pray together, pray for each other.
You need to understand this is hard and why, face the challenge
This is hard when you don’t
- Pray Together
- Share
This is hard because of the intimacy of your relationship with Jesus.
You fail if you “Leave Him out of your relationship,
ignoring the spiritual side of life.”
Helpful hint:
Take a moment. Don’t make the experience harder than it needs to be by setting expectations too high. Just 5 minutes a day, even if you miss a day is better than nothing and a place to start.
2. Learn to communicate, and communicate often.
See the “Face to Face” sermon on Communications
You fail if you “Communicate badly, or not at all”
Helpful hint:
Communicate “Well and Often, just talking and not listening will not get the job done.
3. Ask for and extend forgiveness whenever there is hurt.
See the “Tear Down these Walls” Sermon
Do not “wait and see”, ask for forgiveness.
Talk to your partner when you are hurt.
You fail if you “Don’t Forgive , keep a ‘grudge’ list”
4. Share lots of physical contact
Physical contact is essential for a Husbands and Wife.
It is also important when demonstrated in appropriate situations
Appropriate physical contact “will bless the soul”.
Paul says “Greet one and other with a holy kiss.”
Romans 16:16, 1 Corinthians 16:20, 2 Corinthians 13:12, 2 Thessalonians 5:36
You fail is you “Share little of no physical contact”
Helpful hint:
Holding Hands, a Hug, a Kiss, a simple touch demonstrates love and keeps you connected. It does not always have to end in consummation
.
5. Affirm each other often and build each other up.
You need to give 20x more positive than negative comments.
Ephesians 4:29 NIV
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
You fail if you “Tear each other down and sat hurtful things”.
Helpful hint:
A negative affirmation can be “saying nothing/keeping silent” when someone is sharing with you.
6. Spend time together regularly
Daily - If all you have is 5 minutes is all you can send, you need to use that time
Weekly - Make this a good extended time (a walk, date night, no kids) time together.
Quarterly - Go Away together for a weekend. See Mark 6:30-32 as an example.
Mark 6:30-32 NIV
The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to him all they had done and taught. 31 Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, "Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest." 32 So they went away by themselves in a boat to a solitary place.
Annual - Get away and and share your time.
You fail if you “too busy to spend time together”
Helpful hint:
Do not live with your spouse for 10 years and wake up one day asking “Who is this person”
Visiting “family with the kids or the in-laws” does not count as spending time together.
When your marriage is healthy and you are living for Him in your relationship, you then need to help others with their recipe for a great marriage.
2 Timothy 2:1-2 NIV
You then, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus. And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified to teach others.
The recipe for helping others:
After you have helped one couple then help another.
Scripture
Genesis 2:18, 22-25 NIV
The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." . . . 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman, ' for she was taken out of man." 24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. 25 The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
Psalms 127:1 NIV
"Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain."
Romans 15:5-6 NIV
May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, 6 so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Mark 10:24-27 NIV
The disciples were amazed at his words. But Jesus said again, "Children, how hard it is to enter the kingdom of God! 25 It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." 26 The disciples were even more amazed, and said to each other, "Who then can be saved?" 27 Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God."
2 Corinthians 6:11-13 NIV
We have spoken freely to you, Corinthians, and opened wide our hearts to you. 12 We are not withholding our affection from you, but you are withholding yours from us. 13 As a fair exchange--I speak as to my children--open wide your hearts also.
Colossians 3:12-14 NIV
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
Matthew 18:21-22 NIV
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" 22 Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
2 Corinthians 13:12 NIV
Greet one another with a holy kiss.
1 Corinthians 7:3-5 NIV
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Ephesians 4:29 NIV
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Proverbs 18:21 NIV
The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.
Song of Songs 7:11-12 NIV
Come, my lover, let us go to the countryside, let us spend the night in the villages. 12 Let us go early to the vineyards to see if the vines have budded, if their blossoms have opened, and if the pomegranates are in bloom-- there I will give you my love.
Mark 6:30-32 NIV
The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to him all they had done and taught. 31 Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, "Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest." 32 So they went away by themselves in a boat to a solitary place.
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